Simple Ways To Overcome The Fear Of Talking To Women
Fear Of Talking To Women?
In all areas of life you get back what you give out. This rule is no truer than when you are approaching a woman you are attracted to. If you approach in a nervous and timid way you are going to get the same level of indifference back. Maybe she will fob you off with the old ‘I have a boyfriend’ response or perhaps she won’t even waste her time by stopping and entertaining your limp approach.
Conversely, if you talk to a girl from a position of high energy / high self-confidence you get a good proportion of that enthusiasm returned to you by the girl. So with that truth in mind how do we get ourselves into the right frame to be successful in our approaches?
I am afraid the answer is messy, gruesome and as a consequence innocent little goats must die, well not quite. I don’t care who the PUA is or how experienced at ‘game’ he claims to be. When any guy goes out approaching girls the first couple of attempts are going to blow chunks. He will say something lame, come across creepy, stumble over his words and generally be a bit of a choad about the whole thing.
The secret to success is to understand this is a natural and unavoidable part of the process. So much so that it is commonly referred to as ‘sacrificing the goats’. During bootcamp, we start each day by deliberately going through this process. I will give you the same two or three routines that I give to my students – you can pick one or use a combination of them to sacrifice your goats before you get your game face on.
Reject me bitch
Your goal here is to get rejected as spectacularly as possible. This requires you to jump in at the deep end but nothing works quite so well to blow the cobwebs out of your ‘game’. We all worry that we are going to say something stupid or stumble over our words and so with this exercise you are going to remove all doubt about that eventuality. We decide in advance that we are going to say something stupid so there is no point worrying about it happening.
Ross Jefferies (the father of Speed Seduction) even suggests saying things as nonsensical as ‘Hey, what’s your favorite flavor of bowling ball’?
On bootcamp occasionally guys will still come back with a number – despite how lame they were trying to be. A phone number is not success in this exercise, come back with her number and I will frown at you and send you right back out there for another go. You must keep doing this until you have three rejections in the bag.
The Smiler Challenge
Your objective here is to have three interactions with people (male or female) and make them smile. You can compliment them on the way they are dressed or even how they have their hair – the only rules are you must have a genuine conversation with them that lasts at least sixty seconds. This is an amazing exercise because your whole objective is to make people feel a little better than before you met them. In accordance with the rule of getting back what you give this has the corresponding effect of filling your head with feel-good dopamine.
Here are a few examples of ‘Smiler’ approaches that I have done that still stick in my mind.
- In Hull, England I was in a shopping mall and I saw an old war veteran sitting on a bench. He was smartly dressed in an elegant suit with all his medals proudly pinned to his chest. His shoes were as polished as his army boots were during World War II. I sat down and spent twenty minutes listening to his heroics in the war – it was a genuine pleasure to speak to him and I could tell he was over the moon for the opportunity to tell his stories.
- Another one I remember was in a deli on Wall Street, New York. A larger than life African, an American woman was ordering a sandwich from the counter and she had the most beautiful voice I have ever heard come out of another human being. It was like listening to warm chocolate – simply beautiful. I ordered my own sandwich and then chased after her to tell her that I was in love with her voice. There is no doubt about it, I made her day – which in turn made my day!
I don’t care you are just a goat
Pretty simple – you make three approaches in rapid succession and you accept from the outset that they are going to be terrible. Your goal here is not getting a number, not getting a positive response but rather getting to number three. The title of this exercise is purely based on what I say to myself every time I do this in the field.
As I am walking away from a girl – regardless of what happened I am thinking ‘I don’t care you are just goat number 2 – now, where is goat number 3’?
This process of warming up may seem a little silly but just as a champion athlete would never dream of competing without stretching and preparing his body for the race.
Similarly, we must warm up our brains, mouths, and posture before going after the prize. Giving yourself permission to fail takes the pressure off and allows you to ease into the correct mindset rather than always be jumping into a freezing cold pool and swimming for your life.
No goats were harmed in the writing of this blog post.
If you are ready to become a hero at this stuff. Click here to check out Craig Beck’s Seduction University