Confidence Coaching – Setting Your Dating Limits
Confidence Coaching: It’s hard to say no when a woman shows interest in you. But sometimes if she is just going to cause you drama and pain the answer is exactly that.
Dating is hard, period, and I’m certainly not calling myself a master of the art. But if you’ve gotten yourself into a habit of toxicity and self-hatred – if you keep listening to yourself saying “she’s just misunderstood” right before your heart falls into a puddled wreck on the floor – it might be time to destroy the cycle.
New Year’s resolutions are all about being kinder and better and not putting up with any more of the same shit. And what could be kinder than to treat yourself a little better by avoiding those who don’t?
Hopefully, the following Confidence Coaching tips will help you to stop making terrible dating mistakes in 2017.
1. Identify your deal-breakers
I always used to say I wouldn’t date anyone who didn’t read. Turns out, my last 2 partners haven’t read – and it’s alright. There have been other qualities that have overridden what I believed to be my supreme deal breaker. This most likely isn’t a valuable start to this particular point – “I had a deal breaker then I weakened.” But it’s about learning what’s worth compromising and what’s not.
If I had a partner who was an A-hole to handicapped people, or who voted Trump, then that would well and truly be a deal-breaker, without concession. It can help to make a list – on paper, on your phone, in your head – of “deal breakers” and of “preferred qualities”. There’s a distinction between them, and it helps to know them before you pitch in with a girl.
2. Know your values
I don’t know you. For all I know, you might be a Trump advocate. And that’s fine – it probably just means we’ll never date. That’s because we each know our values. And when we’re speaking to each other through the cold, impersonal face of a computer monitor, that’s a pretty clear line to draw.
But suppose I meet you and you look like Jennifer Lopez? Then, it’s not inconceivable that my values might go soaring out the door. If you keep meeting women who look like Jennifer Lopez or whoever your version of Jennifer Lopez is, then firstly, lucky you. But if this keeps getting yourself into a vicious cycle of dating women you don’t really like, then maybe quit. Knowing yourself is a primary step to knowing if you’re going to see your heart slide out of your chest and into the gutter.
3. Ask friends and family what they think (then listen).
I’m not saying rely on your mother for guidance if you disagree with every little thing she says on a scale of decorating to significant lifestyle choices. But if you are fortunate enough to count on her thinking, then listen to her impression of your prospective girl friend. If your best friend says she looks like a no-good pig dog, don’t turn around and say your partner is just misinterpreted. Love is blind, but typically your family and friends have VISUAL ACUITY.
4. Stop ignoring red flags.
You’ve begun dating now, and you’re telling yourself the initial days are always hard. She’s not making room for you in her life, and you tell yourself it’s even if s/he’s just not ready to let you in. You’ve been upset by things she’s said to you. But you’re sure you just misconstrued what went over as a crude comment. You could’ve sworn s/he was hitting on someone else last night, but you were a little drunk and probably overreacting.
NO! If you’re detecting indicators that have, previously, pointed only to negative factors, don’t ignore them! Don’t make extraordinary allowances because you’re tipsy or significantly in lust with this woman.
During Confidence Coaching I tell members to give their behavior a deeper look. And, if it stands up to scrutiny, then fine: everyone makes an error occasionally. But if the behavior continues and the reasons are running out, then get the heck out of there before you’re Volvo-and-lease deep in something horrible.
5. Keep in mind: being single isn’t frightening.
It’s hard to stop smoking with a lit cig in your finger. Likewise, it’s hard to stop dating the wrong women if you’re 5 years rooted in a bad arrangement. And your single self has been missing since 1995. Being single means watching what you really want on Netflix. Watching TV in your boxer shorts and not being awakened by a stray elbow flying at you from the other side of the bed. It also implies being alone with your thoughts long enough to identify your deal-breakers. And your values and to identify trends that have gotten you into trouble previously.
Then, when you’re ready to get back out there, you’ll ideally be self-aware enough to go for someone who fits.
For more detailed dating advice and confidence coaching. Check out Seduction University for men.